A few, few days ago
I can’t remember if I cried
something touched me deep inside
the day the Cardi died...

Bye, bye, Mr. Furniture Guy
Saw a Cardi Brothers mattress that I didn’t buy
And Ron and Pete were eating Friskie Fries
Singing, “Nick, why did you have to die?
Nick, why did you have to die?”

Did you sell the seat of love?
Do you believe in life after love
if Cher tells you so?

Do you believe in furniture?
You always were a bargainer,
the one with the Wurlitzer!

Well I know that you are really dead—
I saw it on NBC 10!
Well that’s how life goes
for the remaining Cardi bros!
I started singing

[CHORUS]

Well, the mascot sang for Ron and Pete,
I sent out my condolence tweet
to what’s left of NIROPE.

The Projo called them the Brothers Marx
Drove my Chevy to the Cardi store and parked
We smoked weed there after dark
the day the Cardi died!
And we were smoking

[CHORUS]

Polar seltzer in a summer swelter
FINE. was singing Helter Skelter
Meet me on Newport Ave!

It’d been a while since I’d thought of him
When I heard he died while at the gym
All the lights went out
for my favorite sellout!

And I was stuck on Proctor 2
With Don McLean and my Doctor too
I said, “Doc, did you hear the news?”
the day the Cardi died!
And he prescribed me

[CHORUS]

I met a girl from out of state.
I asked her out on a date,
she didn’t even know his name.

I went down to the sacred store
where I met a Cardi years before
and no, I don’t mean Cardi B.

And the three men who made me feel complete,
Saint Nick, Ron, and the Holy Pete
they never would admit defeat,
the day Rhode Island died.

So, bye, bye, Mr. A.S. Feinstein,
saw a Cardi Brothers mattress that I didn’t buy
and Ron and Pete were eating Friskie fries,
Singing, “Nick, why did you have to die?
Nick, why did you have to die?”